Clutch Cargo Lips

A lot has happened today. Mostly really bad. I don’t want to really remember them but I had better write them down so I can realize why I did what I did.

It began in yearbook — and ended there too. Everything was going great — Dan and I were “talking” actually it was nothing but cut down, cut down, cut down all day. Robin got upset and told Deb that we were bickering. Deb came into the room and told Dan and me to either quit it or leave. I said, “Yes ma’am.” Then when the hour was over Deb told me to sign up for five ads. I didn’t want to simply because I detest selling ads so I put my name down and underneath I put “go to hell”. I can’t really believe it — but that is what I put. I meant it at the time. I walked over to get my books and when I left, I saw that Deb had the paper in her hand.

Note:
I didn’t remember this incident — still don’t, but it is typical of my temper back then. I normally saved that for my mom or at least good friends, not associates.

I am very ashamed of this behavior and am no longer surprised or curious about what happened with Vilma. It is painfully obvious that I had a terrible temper and must have frightened her. So, after all these years, I realize it was my fault.

The Robin in the story must have been Robin M. She and I were friends of a sort in junior high, maybe high school. She was on the heavy side and I probably treated her like crap. I saw her about 10 years ago at the office where my aunt worked. She looked the same, but stronger, more sure of herself. She adopted at least one African American child.

Wednesday
9:45 pm

Lots has happened since I wrote last. I began work, I went tobogganing, I broke my glasses, I am getting wire-rims. Jeff called again, I talked to Bob for a while.

Now to separate these happenings:

Chronologically -

Sunday I went tobogganing with Cindy, Carol, Gail and Leslie. I nearly killed myself! Carol S. and I went down standing up and fell off! I finally stopped after I got the wind knocked out of me, nearly broke my neck and almost broke my hip. Then to get the toboggans back home, Cindy and Gain sat on the outside of the car and held the sleds on the top. it was fun though.

Then on Monday as I walked into school I broke my glasses. They just snapped. Luckily I was able to get an appointment right away and I ordered brass “gold coaster’s oval” shaped.

Tuesday night I went to work for the first time. I met everyone in the store. The only people I remember are Pat S. and Lori. Lori is very nice. She is out of school. Pat is nice also. Dan teases an awful lot. But he is quite nice too. One conversation between us was:

Me: I suppose you want me to move.
D: No, I am just sweeping around the boxes.
Me: Oh
Dan: What does that say? On your necklace. pointing
Me: You figure it out
Dan: I am me. That is what I thought it said. But I didn’t know who would wear something like that.
Me: I would
Dan: At first I thought it said, ‘try me’ but I didn’t think Dona would be wearing that.
Me: You never know.

---

Dumb as it was, it was one of the most intelligent ones we have had. His mother had a baby girl. This is number 13.

Then also last night Bob came in. We had a nice talk. I shook like a leaf though.

Tonight after I took a shower the phone rang and Jeff’s voice said, “Hi whatcha doing?” The rest of the conversation was normal!!!

Note:
Of all the busy things that happened that week, the only one I remember is the tobogganing. I had a tube of chapstick in my front pocket and remember falling on it after going down the hill standing up on the sled. I also remember the ride home, holding onto the toboggan on the top of the car. It is sad that I remember this because most teens had adventures like this all the time. They were so rare for me that this one left an impression.

Birthday Presents
Greg (again)
England
Vilma
Jez ♥ (Jeremy R. B.)
Love
Phone Call

Note:
If the symbol after Jez doesn’t show up, it is a heart.

I had better write now - in case I forget to tomorrow. There is so much to say and not much paper on which to say it. I will begin by remembering important times of the past year - “1973″. It was filled with firsts - both good and bad - mostly good though.

The first first I suppose was my first telephone call from a guy. The guy - none other than Gary C. The next first was first date - Gary again. Then a few months later came my first real boyfriend - Robert W. With that relationship came my first kiss. Then a few days later came my first close death - Grandpa Green. I drove for the first time too. Another first was the first time a guy came to visit me (Jeff Y. it was!) Then came the first time I applied for a job (at Zayre).

I think I learned a lesson from each first and although each day of the past year wasn’t bright and sunny, the year on the whole was superb!

Another exciting thing is that is coming up is my trip. This summer I, Dona Lee Patrick, am going to England. I am quite happy — but nervous. And sort of apprehensive because it seems too good to be true.

Oh — something not so grand happened Christmas Eve. Uncle Quay was drunkish as usual. When we walked in the house he gave me a “Merry Christmas” kiss which was all right. But was it all right when later he confronted me in the hall and tried to kiss me again? He didn’t succeed but instead patted my behind and wasn’t fast to remove his hand. Then when I was leaving Pam’s room he just happened to be there and pulled me into the doorway of the bedroom (which luckily was closed) and tried to hug me or something. He had his arm around my neck and wasn’t going to let me go. He did though and I ran down the steps. I was really frightened — but I haven’t told mother yet. I don’t think I should because she will really blow up I think.

Note:
It was my custom to write in my journal on the last day of the year just before the clock struck midnight. Either I had not started that tradition or I thought I had too much about which to write in order to do it properly.

This was a post that I wasn’t sure I would upload. At least the last paragraph. It took me decades to forgive my uncle, and I only did so after his suicide. I am still furious about it, however.

I eventually told my mother. I don’t exactly recall her reaction, but I think it wasn’t the “Oh my God Dona. That is terrible. That should never have happened to you.” I think she said that my uncle was notorious for making passes at people.

While we are on the subject of older men making passes at younger girls and I’ve read ahead in my journal and not found mention of this, my guitar teacher also made a pass at me during a guitar lesson. It may have been the lesson where I met “Tim”, but it may have been later, but I think “Tim” was there, but in another room.

Mr. T had been asking me about boys and if I had a boyfriend. I said I didn’t and that I liked some boys as friends. He then leaned over and kissed me on the lips. I was stunned and confused, but as soon as he left the room I got up and left. I think I told “Tim” to tell Mr T I had to go home. I didn’t return for guitar lessons after that. I didn’t’ tell my mother about that either until much later. She did seem to get upset about that, and said it was good that I had not told my father because he would have probably confronted Mr T. That too, still makes me furious. Mr T also met a grisly end. He died when his trailer home burned up. I believe I heard that he was somehow locked in. It can’t have been a good way to die.

I should feel bad that my uncle stuck a rifle in his mouth and pulled the trigger and Mr T died a painful death, trapped in his trailer. Part of me does feel a little bad. I don’t feel glad anymore (although I did at first). I just don’t really feel anything about either of those men’s deaths.

Lots has happened since the last entry. The first thing is Dan quit the staff. He didn’t come in on Monday after the party. I missed him but didn’t say anything until Debbie came in and said that Dan had just quit. Then I began asking questions. Debbie didn’t know why he had quit. I really felt low so I left. The rest of the week remained uneventful until Friday when I applied for a job at Ben Franklin. No one knows but me, that one main reason I applied there was to be near Dan. He had not talked to me at all all week — but when he saw me at the store he asked me what I was doing there. I told him I was applying for a job. He turned around and told the lady that he didn’t recommend me. Of course he was fooling.

Then when I went up to get my application Mr S. recognized me and said, “Oh yes. This is the girl Dan has a crush on.” I said, “Oh, I doubt that,” hoping that I was wrong.

The lady said that she would call me when the tests came in. I was in high spirits and sure I got the job.

Enough of that for now. I really have a reason to be feeling low. Thursday night I found out that Jim E. was caught selling marijuana at school. I had to promise that I told no one. I will tell no one I promise if God only helps me keep my big mouth shut. I didn’t realize how upset I was until I read an article in tonights paper. It is all about him and his friends. I started crying. Why Jim?

Mother says that a big blame is on daddy. I can see her reasoning.

Note:
I don’t remember Dan quitting the yearbook staff. I don’t know why he did.

I remember applying for the job at Ben Franklin, but I thought I applied for the job because I wanted to go to England and wanted to do it before Cindy J. did.

I am surprised that I had not mentioned England yet. I must have known about it by this time. My parents said I could go if I paid for half of the airfare (which was about a fifth of what it is now).

That summer I’d had a dream or daydream that there was an opportunity to go to England. In the dream/daydream we competed with each other by writing essays. I remember knowing that Beth N. a cheerleader and all around popular (but not mean) girl was also in the competition. In the dream I won the essay contest and got to go to England. What a surprise when I heard that the junior class was invited to apply for a trip to England that June and July. It was to be a sort of exchange program. We’d host an English student and we would then stay with that family. I know that a huge part of the rest of the journal will focus on that.

I had completely forgotten about my cousin Jim selling pot. I guess I must have been able to “keep my big mouth shut”. I’m not at all sure what I meant by “Mother says that a big blame is on daddy”. Jim’s brother, Bob, comes to live with us later after he gets in trouble with the law. Maybe Dad was supposed to look out for his sister’s boys or something.