Archive for March, 2007

Last night I dreamt I went to Revish again.

RevishI must have been more excited about Revish’s Grand Opening than I realized because last night I dreamt about it.

I walked into a bright shiny new office and was greeted warmly. I was told to stick around so I could meet Dan. I did wait around and saw several employees go in and out of the office – all wearing black trousers or skirts and white button down shirts. Someone named Barbara had to leave early, so the manager (not Dan) asked if I would cover for her.  I was not sure what to do, but said I would be happy to help.

Then I woke up because the cats decided to have a fight at the foot of my bed.

The only other thing I remember about the dream was the copious amount of ice cream being passed around, and everyone carrying thick books.

Oh, and I never met Dan - but I heard him on a podcast this morning.

Review: The Thirteenth Tale

The Thirteenth TaleIn sixth grade my friend, Eugenia, introduced me to the genre of Gothic novel. I’d fill a grocery bag full of them at the library, take them home, devour them in a week, then return to the library the following Saturday, hungry for more.

By the time I discovered the Brontës, I’d read most of the contemporary Gothic novels at the library and decided to go to the source. I’d just returned from a visit to Bronte country and was embarrassed to admit that I’d never read any of their works. So my sophomore year in college I read Wuthering Heights in 15-minute increments before I began my homework each day.

I finally grew out of Gothic novels and moved on to other genres. But when I heard about The Thirteenth Tale, I had to buy it. I had no option. I had to read it.

The Thirteenth Tale sat on my bookshelf for months waiting to be read. It wasn’t quiet about it either. It whispered to me each time I passed. “Read me. Read me.” Because I had other things to read first, I was not able to abide by its request. Until last weekend…

“It’s my profession. I’m a storyteller,” Vida Winter explains when defending the numerous lies she’s previously told about her past.

Her real past, the truth, as told to Margaret Lea, proves to be the best story of them all, filled with characters so rich, so colorful they could have stepped out of novels written by the Brontë sisters, Wilkie Collins or George Elliot. Set in the same Yorkshire moors that inspired the Brontë sisters, Vida Winter’s life story reads like a real Gothic mystery.

When Margaret Lea, the daughter of an antiquarian bookstore owner, discovers she had a twin sister who died at their birth she understands her feelings of aloneness. She comforts herself with the unwanted books of her father’s bookshop – her only companions other than her protective father and distant mother. When the famous author, Vida Winter, approaches Margaret to write her biography, Margaret is not so sure, but visits Ms Winter in her Yorkshire home. As Vida Winter reveals her story to Margaret, both Margaret and the reader are immersed in an unforgettable tale spanning three generations.

Isabelle Angelfield was odd.

Isabelle Angelfield was born during a rainstorm.

It is impossible to know whether or not these facts are connected. But when, two and a half decades later, Isablle left home for the second time, people in the village looked back and remembered the endlessness of the rain on the day of her birth. Some remembered as if it was yesterday that the doctor was late, delayed by the floods caused by the river having burst its banks. Others recalled beyond the shadow of a doubt that the cord had been wrapped round the baby’s neck, almost strangling her before she could be born. Yes, it was a difficult birth, all right, for on the stroke of six, just as the baby was born, the doctor rang the bell, hadn’t the mother passed away, out of this world and into the next? So if the weather had been fine, and the doctor had been earlier and if the cord had not deprived the baby of oxygen, and if the mother had not died…

And if, and if, and if. Such thinking is pointless. Isabelle was as Isabelle was, and that is all there is to say about the matter.

If you are a fan of gothic novels, this book is a must. Even if you’ve never read a Gothic novel, you should still check this book out. It is a can’t-put-it down/stay-up-all-night kind of read.

Review: The Awakening

In 1994 shortly after the birth of my second child I took a class for renewal of my teaching certificate. The class was on women in education and focused on women in literature. It was an eye opening class for me, and I was exposed to a number of woman writers such as Virginia Woolf, Charlotte Perkins Gilman and Kate Chopin.When my book group was looking for a different kind of novel to read than we’d been reading, someone suggested Kate Chopin’s The Awakening. I immediately agreed with this choice mostly because this book stood, unread, on my bookshelf, but also because I liked what little I’d already read by Chopin.

After publication, this book was banned, was unsuccessful and severely criticized for its subject matter.

The Awakening is a story about 28 year-old Edna Pontellier who, while on vacation with her two young children and husband, finds she is dissatisfiled with her life. She admits to not feeling as close to her children as she knows she’s supposed to feel. Her closest female friend, Adèle Ratignolle, is a model wife and mother, which makes the contrast between Edna and what society expects even more pronounced. When young Robert Lebrun pays attention to Edna during the vacation, she falls in love with him, and apparently he falls in love with Edna. Alarmed, Adèle worrys that Edna will harm her children:

Edna had once told Madame Ratignolle that she would never sacrifice herself for her children, or for any one. Then had followed a rather heated argument; the two women did not appear to understand each other or to be talking the same language. Edna tried to appease her friend, to explain.

“I would give up the unessential; I would give my money, I would give my life for my children; but I wouldn’t give myself. I can’t make it more clear; it’s only something which I am beginning to comprehend, which is revealing itself to me.”

“I don’t know what you would call the essential, or what you mean by the unessential,” said Madame Ratignolle, cheerfully; “but a woman who would give her life for her children could do no more than that - your Bible tells you so. I’m sure I couldn’t do more than that.”

“Oh, yes you could!” laughed Edna.

When Edna returns to New Orleans she becomes restless and disregards her “duties” to the point of sending her children to her in-laws and moving into a smaller home when her husband is away.

I’m glad I finally read this book, but reading it on the heels of Lady Chatterly’s Lover was a bad idea. I became tired of reading about wealthy young women dissatisfied with their lives.

This book would be a great companion to Charlotte Perkins Gilman’sThe Yellow Wallpaper and Henrik Isben’s A Dolls House for a discussion about Victorian era marriages told with a feminist slant. I believe it is on some high school book lists. I’m not sure it belongs there. I think one must be older, and perhaps even married with children to really understand the ideas behind this story. It is only a tiny novel, but it took me a while to read because I found the language difficult to wade through and I was not charmed by any of the characters.

Review: In the Time of the Butterflies

In the Time of the Butterflies
by Julia Alvarezbutterflies.jpg
Note: Already posted on Revish - but until Revish goes public, I’m going to cross post my reviews here.

When my book group chose In the Time of the Butterflies for our January book I was not pleased. I didn’t want to read a fictional account of revolutionaries, especially knowing how it would end. I felt I needed a light and uplifting book during the dark days of winter, rather than a book that told of life under a brutal dictator. I gave in, however, and checked the book (and tapes) out of the local public library. While I didn’t find In the Time of the Butterflies a light read, it was, in its own way, uplifting.

It took me longer than the allotted time to read this book; I even cheated by listening to the book on tape during long drives or while doing chores in the kitchen interspersed with reading the book during wrestling matches or before bed at night. I cannot say I ever really got into the book until the last 100 pages or so.

The book begins as Dedé, the only remaining Mirabal sister, readies herself to meet yet another interviewer intent on knowing about the Butterflies thirty-four years after their deaths. Dedés thoughts begin at what she considers year zero, and the book takes off from there, each of the sisters voices contributing to the lyrical narrative: Minerva, the beautiful rebellious one, Patria, the religious one, Maria Theresa, the baby, and Dedé, the one who survived. Each sister tells part of the story of their introduction into the ways of revolutionaries and their life in prison and under home arrest.

As a postscript to the book the author, Julia Alvarez, tells of her own family’s flight from the Dominican Republic and her fascination with the Mirabal sisters. She explains her reasons for writing the book and emphasizes it is a fictionalized account of the lives of these sisters. I wish this had been a forward instead of a postscript. As I read the book I thought it was, more or less, a biography, and discovering that it was a work of fiction made it fall a little flat for me. However, the list of people to whom Ms Alvarez spoke is impressive, and lends more credibility to the story than she gives herself credit for.

I ended up liking the book more than I’d expected I would. I learned a number of things about the time and place in history. For example, it was interesting to note that the revolutionaries in the book were jubilant when Fidel Castro overthrew Cuba. It didn’t surprise me, once I thought about it, but it was interesting nonetheless.

Despite Ms Alvarez’s wish that this book “…will bring acquaintance of [the Mirabal] sisters to English-speaking readers…” I think that some pre-knowledge of the time in history would have been beneficial to me. I might have been more willing to spend more time getting to know the protagonists and less time stalling. But then, works of fiction don’t come with prerequisites, do they?

Notes kept during reading:

[January 28, 2007] I didn’t choose to read this book, it was chosen for me by the members of my book group. I probably would not have read it, left to my own volition. I’m not sorry I’m reading it however, it is well written and I’m learning about a piece of world history about which I knew nothing.

Because I decided, late in the game, to read this book, I picked it up along with the taped version. I’m enjoying listening to it more than I’m enjoying reading it because the women who read the book on tape have such delightful voices.

Although our book group discussion has already taken place, I’m planning on finishing this book while awaiting delivery of the next book group book.

[January 28, 2007]
I discovered something interesting last night when I was reading this book. I’d been listening to it on tape and not actually reading it, but last night chose to read in bed (one of my favorite things to do). I couldn’t remember where I’d stopped listening so re-read a number of pages. I enjoyed the story until I got to the part I had not heard on tape - then I grew weary of it. It could have been because I was tired. I hope so. It would suck if I suddenly didn’t like to read anymore!

June 5, 1975 In which I have a self-evaluation session.

Unbelivable! I am back once more this week. Summer or Spring must do something to make me write more often.

I need to make some decisions. Very important ones as a matter of fact. See, I’ve come to the conclusion that I am myself - no one else - and I know what’s best for me better than anyone.

#1 Do I want to go to college?
Pros-
Good Pay afterward
Become more learned
Self-satisfying
Better Job
Cons-
Costs money
Hard work
Get up early
Exams

Well, maybe I don’t want intensly to go, but I have to - for myself and for my family. No! Leave family out of it. This is my own evaluation.

#2 (the hardest) What about Jeremy?
Do I love him? Yes, but I didn’t ever have much experience with other guys to know if this is “love or lust”. I do want him physically, but my feeling is deeper than that. His interests, his mind. I love his love for me.
Yeah, it’s love.I suppose I knew that answer but it has bothered me from time to time.

#3 What are my feelings towards sex?

Sex. What does that wird signify? My first thought is dirt. Why? That can’t be how I was brought up. Does society do it? Make me feel that way I mean?

Then, mingled with that is fear and pleasure desire. I fear sex, but I want it too. I am afraid of what my first time in bed with a man will be like, but I am also wanting that time to come.

What about simple kissing and touching? I am embarrassed about that too. I wish there were nothing to fear of sex. Why do I worry about what others think? I’d like to just go out and let what happens happen. I wish I could be impulsive more often. I think that sex is an impulsive thing. Not a let’s do IT a week from Friday at 3:00.

Wow! I guess I have a lot of feelings on that subject. (no pun intended)

I guess I was given an overdose of guilt feelings.

Note:
Ok, not a lot to say on that post. I think I said it all. I am surprised that I questioned going to college though. I thought I wanted to go.

June 3, 1975 In which I write about a movie

Tuesday

Not much time to write. I just wanted to record my emotions of the film, A War of Children. It may have been dramatized, but there is a conflict going on in Ireland. Therer is a hell going on there. I vow to go there someday and get the truth. I’ve heard so many sides of it. How can God let things like that happen?

A mother tarred and feathered her own daughter for sleeping with a British soldier. A British soldier hit a little boy with the end of his rifel, killing him. I am thankful for living in a peacful place but I can’t help wanting to help those who are in war places.

Note:
I remember this movie, but when I was typing the above had it confused with a movie called Children in the Crossfire. An Internet search reveals that both movies were directed by the same man. After the second film I wanted to have a Catholic and Protestant Irish child stay with us for a summer - like in the movie. I wonder if that program is still going. Good old Internet - Yep it is.

June 2, 1975 In which high schoo ends

Monday

I’ve been looking through this journal for a while. Some entries sound so stupid - other squite profound (for myself).

Today was the last day at Larkin High and I only cried once - Kathy B. gave me a card on which she wrote a verse. Of all the people I’ve met recently I think I’ll miss her the most. We had great talks.

I only knew her for a whild, but I really love h er. She’s a super person.

I want to write down my feelings on teh last day of school so I’ll have something to look back on in years to come.

Ma’s making dinner. I really should help her.

I love her too.

Note:
I wonder what happened to Kathy B. She was nice, but I don’t have any solid
memories of her - just a vague she was there, she was fun.

The names I called my mom. Sometimes mom, sometimes mother - now Ma? Was
that supposed to be a joke or affectionate?

May 6, 1975 In which I wonder what my future will hold

Tuesday

10:11 pm

I don’t know why I am writing this now. I don’t have anything to say. I don’t have any time either. I’ve been reading my former entries. Wouldn’t it be super if I would become an author? Then I could look back at my journal for ideas of stories. I wonder what I’ll be doing in ten years. Will I be married? If so, to whom? Jeremy? I hope so. I was thinking about him - not that it is rare to think of him - and the fact that he’s British. I knew three years ago that I would marry an Englishman. I remember when I thought that I was falling in “like” with Dan that I said to myself I can’t like him - he’s not a “rich Englishman“. Well, Jeremy may not be rich, but he’s English. I think that England must hold some sort of mystical powers for me or something. It must if I would consider spending the rest of my life there. I do love England. It must be that I’ve fallen in love with the country. Before going even. In seventh grade already I thought the country wonderful. I think though I was born and raised in America and I do love it here very much - that it is like my parents. But now England has proposed to me and I want to go with Her. I can’t explain it. It’s more than the fact that I love and want to marry on of Her inhabitants.

I don’t think I’m going to get my room cleaned - I’ll do it tomorrow.

18 days left of high school. About 56 days until Jeremy comes.

Note:
I remember the feelings I had about my love for England. Whenever I’d
land there I felt as if I were going home.

I wish I’d written more about what I thought I’d be doing in ten years. Ten years after this entry I was getting ready to be married - later that summer.

April 12, 1975 In which I think about anniversaries and kisses

Saturday

This is it. After tonight I will have known what Jeremy looked like for 365 days. One full revolution around the sun by the earth. I feel apprehensive about something. Something is going to begin… or end!

What though? It is, no doubt, due to my wild imagination and sentimentality. Of course it is. Why should I think so much about dates? Probably because I am a Virgo. And the reason I question the reason is the Leo in me. Naw! That stuff ain’t true!

Soon it will be one year from the date of our first kiss - which always is a landmark in my mind. I still remember the day Bob first kissed me. Just a peck compared to Jeremy’s kiss. I was so proud. I wasn’t “Sweet 16 and never been kissed” anymore. Then practically a year passed until Jeremy’s kiss. Then six weeks until Jeremy’s kiss in England. It’s been nine months since my lips have touched his.

I remember clearly the feeling of helplessness as we said goodbye. There was nothing either of us could do. Just hold onto the end. The last embrace was one of such passion to last nine…ten…eleven months. How were we sure that we would ever meet again? Nothing’s ever positive.

Note:
Obviously I’ve never gotten over looking back at
the past and thinking about milestones. Isn’t that why I’m doing this?

March 29, 1975 In which I am lonely and jealous

Saturday

11:30 am

What have I done this vacation? Nothing! When I go back to school Lori will have done a million things and I will pretend to listen, but I will be angry inside - perhaps it will rise to the surface and I will scream. No - it won’t, I’d better not. I don’t have many close friends as it is, why lose Lori?

What happened to all my friends? Have they died? No, I have. I have no money with which to go out anyway.

I’m tucked away in a little corner of the world and no one ever sees me. no one cares. No one says, “Let’s call Dona.” Maybe I talk about Jeremy too much. Is that possible? I have vowed not to mention him sometimes - but I get so sick of “Mark this, Glenn that” and now it’s Jim this and that” too.

Am I jealous that I don’t have a boyfriend or three here? Should I really be saving myself for Jeremy so well? But he has no fear of me being “taken away” because no one shows any interest anyway.

I feel so ugly lately. Why? My teeth are clean - as of this morning. I really need to escape! Perhaps I’m missing school. (Ick - missing school?! No way.). It must be that I am missing people! Oh, my parents are all right and Kevin is a lot of fun, but I need the company of people my own age. I had a great time last Sunday.

Well with Grandma coming it will be a change. Perhaps people will be coming over.

I’d like to take a walk, but where to? It is probably too cold anyway. Maybe I will get a letter from Jeremy or Cindy - or Meg - she owes me one. Pam has boring letters. Anyway I got one from her yesterday. It would be great if the tape would arrive to day.

I’ve got to finish [reading] that Essay for English. It is so boring! I’m not hungry so I think I’ll read it after I make my bed. Then I’ll read That Hideous Strength. I don’t quite understand that either. My gosh, I’m in a terrible mess.

Note:
I remember being jealous of Lori - I’d always considered her a little nerdy, so when she had a string of boyfriends I was surprised and, yes, jealous.

As for the feelings of not having friends - I don’t know why I felt like that - I mean where the friends went. I was a little hard to get along with - so that’s most likely the story.